Saturday, January 1, 2011

“So this is the new year. And I don’t feel any different.” — Death Cab for Cutie, The New Year.

once upon a time i would be oozing motivation today. the first of the year! the first day of the rest of my life! the chance to start over! but today? nah. i don't feel different, and i didnt really make any resolutions. heck, i didnt watch the ball drop or party or even watch the clock click from one year to another.... nah, i sat in my room cuddled under all my blankets and wrote a letter to a stranger, literally... then i ate a very crunchy apple... then i turned off my lights and stared out my window for quite some time, lost in ridiculous dreams.... then i finally checked my clock. 1:07 hrmm. yaay for 2011? its not that i didnt make resolutions at all, cuz i did, just not for the new year. see, im different, infected with some madness maybe that makes me a little twisted... so i make my resolutions at the beginning of every season~ i dont trust myself to keep resolutions for a whole year. psh. i can barely keep something going for a week! a season, i can handle. and so i made my goals at winter solstice... so why celebrate the new year? why bother.... im sorry,i lack this festive spirit i should have. ahem, ill try harder. raise your glass, mazel tov everyone! lets make some resolutions, you know the kind. i'll eat healthier, i'll recycle, i'll be nicer to my family, i'll get to the gym once a week, i'll read my Bible. As if. who actually sticks to their resoltions? i found a list of mine last year and i hadnt even attempted a singe one past hmm maybe a  week? nah, thats to severe, maybe a MONTH. wow, for 1/12 of the year i was who i wanted to be. LIE LIE LIE. that's not who i want to be anyways. i want to be free and happy and loved. and dieting, goin green, being kind to the fam, excersising, and reading mah Bible? eh. not sure that's gonna do it for me. you can argue that my priorities are wrong, that i'm damaged somehow and i have no moral compass. hmm, maybe i don't. but really i don't care what you think... well no that's a lie, i do i just don't like admitting it. honestly. i really do care what ppl think, more than i should, and i hate that.... but i can pretend i don't... and that's almost as good, right? yeah of course it is! so this is rambling now, turning into who knows.
         happy new year. whatever that means.
                    love,
                     that grl